#HighSchoolIn5Words

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words Friends had sex. Not me.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words Only beaten up three times.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words Boarding school sex scandal, apparently.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words Thank god for Cliff's Notes

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words Heirarchy: Jocks, Cheerleaders, Freshmen, me.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words Here to take the retest.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words I took AP Study Hall.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words Me and Chris @hardwick besties?

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

@midnight #HighSchoolIn5Words Something about Shakespeare, i think?

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 7, 2016

#PieSciFi

@midnight #PieSciFi Pie Captain and the World of Tomorrow

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Pie, Robot

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi The Force A-bakin's

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi The Mmm...Pie Strikes Back

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Return of the Jed-Pie

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi The Search for Mock Apple Pie

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Dr. Whoopie Pie

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi FirePie

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Deep Dish Impact

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Flan Solo

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Cowboys & Aliens & Pie

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Star Wars Episode 3.1415926: The PhruitPie Menace

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Mad Max: Fury a la Mode

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi X-Men: Days of Future Pies

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi From the Earth to the MoonPie

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

@midnight #PieSciFi Elysiummmm... pie...

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 8, 2016

#OneLetterOffSports

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Radminton

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Ultimath Frisbee

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Dic Golf

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Strife Three!

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Sudo Wrestling

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Ice Honkey

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Figure Stating

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Snotboarding

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Roller Debby

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports The Utah Jizz

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

@midnight #OneLetterOffSports Tennis Rodman

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 9, 2016

#NerdHolidays

@midnight #NerdHolidays Day of the Talking Dead

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Pizaa

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Han Soloukkah

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Flash ROMadan

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Ramadongle

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Super Nintendo Bowl Sunday

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Mel Blancsgiving

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Comic-Conzaa

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Sonic the Hedgehog's Day

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Beaster

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Futuramadan

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Motherboard's Day

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

@midnight #NerdHolidays Cinco de Minecraft

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 13, 2016

#InternetTVShows

@midnight #InternetTVShows Dr. Hulu

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows Boy Memes World

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows DARPA & Greg

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows Wheel of 4Chan

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows The 404 Club

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows Billy Instagram Crusade

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows Mr. Reddit

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows Last Wiki Tonight @LastWeekTonight

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows IP Spy

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows Dragnetflix

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows 192.168.1.1land

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows America Online's Got Talent

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows One Life to GIF

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

@midnight #InternetTVShows The X Files Not Found

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 14, 2016

#HipHopCharities

@midnight #HipHopCharities The Red Kriss Kross

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 15, 2016

@midnight #HipHopCharities The UNWA

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 15, 2016

@midnight #HipHopCharities Victims of Sexual Assault n' Pepa

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 15, 2016

#OneWordOffSongs

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs Stairway to Heaving

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs Back in Crack

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs You Are the Sunshine of my Strife

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs Bitch Better Have my Reservation

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs Hat Scratch Fever

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs I Still Haven't Found What I'm Googling For

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs The Long and Winding Metaphor

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs Baby Got Syphilis

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs Lady Ketchup

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffSongs Fight the Mower

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 16, 2016

#TrumpAQuote

@midnight #TrumpAQuote We have nothing to fear, but Mexicans, am i right?

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

@midnight #TrumpAQuote We choose to go to the moon, not because it is easy, but because it would be a great place for a hotel. Really great.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

@midnight #TrumpAQuote I have not yet begun to fight. Really, i haven't. Ask anyone!

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

@midnight #TrumpAQuote Four scores and seven women ago...

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

@midnight #TrumpAQuote I came, i saw, i conquered. It was tremendous.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

@midnight #TrumpAQuote These aren't the droids you're looking for. Really they're not. Mine would be much better, believe me.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

@midnight #TrumpAQuote Winter is coming, okay? Believe me, it's coming.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

@midnight #TrumpAQuote I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky... but i could have, i realy could have, believe me.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

@midnight #TrumpAQuote I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. It was tremendous. really really tremendous.

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 20, 2016

#ThingsHillaryGoogles

@midnight #ThingsHillaryGoogles Charm school for seniors

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 21, 2016

@midnight #ThingsHillaryGoogles Can presidents deport billionaires?

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 21, 2016

@midnight #ThingsHillaryGoogles How does this "google" thing work?

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 21, 2016

@midnight #ThingsHillaryGoogles Discount pantsuits, DC area

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 21, 2016

@midnight #ThingsHillaryGoogles cheap russian assassins

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 21, 2016

@midnight #ThingsHillaryGoogles Mar-a-lago ballroom rental

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 21, 2016

@midnight #ThingsHillaryGoogles Broomstick rental

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 21, 2016

@midnight #ThingsHillaryGoogles What do rednecks like?

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 21, 2016

#FishTV

@midnight @midnight #FishTV The Apprentfish

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 22, 2016

@midnight @midnight #FishTV Shark Tank (with real sharks)

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 22, 2016

@midnight @midnight #FishTV Sunfish of Zorn

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 22, 2016

@midnight @midnight #FishTV Fish (Not the police detective. Actual fish.)

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 22, 2016

@midnight @midnight #FishTV Ocean Black

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 22, 2016

@midnight @midnight #FishTV Starfish Trek

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 22, 2016

@midnight @midnight #FishTV The Six Million Dollar Manta

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 22, 2016

#DrunkerHistory

@midnight #DrunkerHistory The Manhattan on the Rocks Project

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 23, 2016

@midnight #DrunkerHistory The London Totally Blitzed

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 23, 2016

@midnight #DrunkerHistory Sir Edmund Hilary $ Tenzing Norgay Summit Everclear

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 23, 2016

@midnight #DrunkerHistory The Big Harvey Wallbanger

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 23, 2016

@midnight #DrunkerHistory The Fifth of Whiskey Amendment

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 23, 2016

@midnight #DrunkerHistory Dred Scotch

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 23, 2016

#90sIn5Words

@midnight #90sIn5Words Donald Trump on Singled Out

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

@midnight #90sIn5Words Who's this doofus Chris @hardwick ?

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

@midnight #90sIn5Words In style forever: Parachute Pants!

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

@midnight #90sIn5Words Long Distance charges keep rising

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

@midnight #90sIn5Words New Star Wars CAN'T FAIL!

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

#AllMaleReboots

@midnight #AllMaleReboots Valley of the Action Figures

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

@midnight #AllMaleReboots Blue Steel Magnolias

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

@midnight #AllMaleReboots Topless Beaches

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

@midnight #AllMaleReboots Out Of Africa by Jetpack

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016

@midnight #AllMaleReboots The Warlocks of Eastwick

— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) September 28, 2016