#OlympicSongs

@midnight #OlympicSongs Steroidway To Heaven
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 9, 2016

@midnight #OlympicSongs I. Am. Living. On... Channel Ziiiika!
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 9, 2016

@midnight #OlympicSongs Polo Rider
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 9, 2016

@midnight #OlympicSongs I Can See For Biles
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 9, 2016

@midnight #OlympicSongs With a Little Phelps From My Friends
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 9, 2016

@midnight #OlympicSongs Eight Days a Zika
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 9, 2016

@midnight #OlympicSongs Ledecky Thump
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 9, 2016

#QuitYourJobIn5Words

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words I peed on your monitor.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words I need a 600% raise.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words The virus is live. Bye.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words Have fun deciphering my files!
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words I emptied the corporate accounts.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words Left SOMETHING in the walls.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words Witness Protection can find me.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words Remanded to Penitentary. Hold position?
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words Got new job at Yahoo!
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words Watch for me on TV!
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words Scan the headlines. You'll see...
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

@midnight #QuitYourJobIn5Words Where can i get anthrax?
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 10, 2016

#VacationSuckedBecause

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause All four 15-year-olds in the cabin perfected the art of mumblecommunication. (This is actually true.)
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause Rental cabin was actually Unabomber shack.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause My job was "redefined" while i was gone.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause Internet connection at cabin too slow to stream @midnight. (This is heartachingly true.)
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause Dad sings in the car.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause Deep woods = no cell service = no #PokemonGo. Kill me now.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause Spiders. Really really big spiders.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause i was eaten by a shark.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause the damn crickets wouldn't SHUT UP!
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause The rural general store didn't sell generals.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

@midnight #VacationSuckedBecause fuckin' rain.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 11, 2016

#SexyAthletes

@midnight #SexyAthletes Tiger print panties Woods
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

@midnight #SexyAthletes Koh Behave! Bryant
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

@midnight #SexyAthletes Dennis 14" Rodman
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

@midnight #SexyAthletes Drew-la-la Brees
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

@midnight #SexyAthletes Magic Johnson
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

@midnight #SexyAthletes Randy Murray
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

@midnight #SexyAthletes Babealicious Ruth
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

@midnight #SexyAthletes Heavy Sigh Young
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

@midnight #SexyAthletes Gordy Howe YOU Doin'?
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 12, 2016

#OneWordOffMovieQuotes

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes That's no moon, that's a knife!
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes That's not a knife, THIS is a spacestation.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes A fella--a quick fella--just might have a bra under there.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You kissed my father. Prepare to die.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

On reflection, this would have been better as "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to hula."

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes ...make him an offer he can't understand.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes Alright, alright, Beetlejuice.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes Luke, i am your accountant!
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes I love you. I rule.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes You keep on using that banana, i don't think it means what you think it means.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes I've got a blase feeling about this...
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

@midnight #OneWordOffMovieQuotes I have the feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful spaceship.
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 16, 2016

#MakeACelebrityInternational

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Mayan Anjelou
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Mosopotamia Wasikowska
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Clint Far-Eastwood
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Princess Himalaya
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Mali Van Cleef
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Iberia Pearlman
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Gaza-Za Gabor
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Cambodia Newton
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Alps Pacino
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Tibetty White
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Afghanistan Lee
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Mongolia Seydoux (she's huge)
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Khazak Galifinakis
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Senegal Gadot
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

@midnight #MakeACelebrityInternational Senegalese-a Gibbons
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 17, 2016

#ElderlyBooks

@midnight #ElderlyBooks Gone Granny
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 18, 2016

@midnight #ElderlyBooks Harry Potter and the Prostate Exam
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 18, 2016

@midnight #ElderlyBooks The Old Man and the Senior Adult Diapers
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 18, 2016

@midnight #ElderlyBooks Brittle Women
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 18, 2016

@midnight #ElderlyBooks 20,000 Trips to the Bathroom
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 18, 2016

@midnight #ElderlyBooks The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxatives
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 18, 2016

#BirdTV

@midnight #BirdTV Ozprey
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

@midnight #BirdTV Owl in the Family
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

@midnight #BirdTV Toucan and a half Men
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

@midnight #BirdTV Kingfisher of Queens
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

@midnight #BirdTV Anything But Dove
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

@midnight #BirdTV Booby Howser, MD
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

@midnight #BirdTV Geesebound and Goosedown
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

@midnight #BirdTV Orphan Blackbird
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

@midnight #BirdTV Saved by the Pelican
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 19, 2016

#SciFiYourself

#SciFiYourself @Midnight pic.twitter.com/JTp1iaVsau
— Adam Ford (@Puttyhead) August 23, 2016